[mint choc chip ice cream]
[shopping, shopping and more shopping]
[music]
[binge eating]
[sex and the city]
[the beach, the mall, sightseeing, travelling abroad]
[white roses]
[shaking my legs]
[shoes, shoes, shoesssssss]
[spending time with my lovelies, doing nothing]
[singing on top of my lungs, pretending no one can hear me]
[taking pictures, of myself especially]
[ho-ho-holidayss]
[driving]
[lazing around reading a good book]
[money]
[being loved]
hello! I just suddenly have this urge to blog before I proceed to shower. I am very smelly now cuz its like 46 degrees here and its crazy! But then I do not know what to blog about lol so I shall blog about random things like being broke.
Yes I am broke seriously.
I am banned from shopping (the ban was implemented by xn but then its not really working cause he is very easy to persuade lol!! plus he said he will pay for my groceries if I am broke which encourages me to shop even more considering I have someone to fall back on in case I am really broke which I am) and although I put in alot of effort (i Swear!!) I still didn't manage to suppress that voice (more like ignore, COMPLETELY) and went to Myer cause I am so happy I have a myer gift card which is in the mail on the way to moi! So knowing me, before I even receive the card (which encourages me to shop somemore which is how I got the card in the first place) I went to Myer to have a look on what is there for me to buy. Oh and my ex ex house mate ( I dont even know who) have a Myer card too and they sent her these vouchers which encourage me to shop more! Seriously the temptation is EVERYWHERE!
So yes I went to Myer and firstly head to the cosmetics department. Cause I am oh so damn VAIN lol plus buying cosmetics is like a necessity right? LOL!! Just like lingerie. I love sexy lingeries esp those lacy lacy ones but I think those Red and Lacy ones are ugly loo .. its like so aunty.. no??
SO anyways, yeah la I went to Myer and bought things la and also David Jones cause I love Shu and Shu is in David Jones. If only DJ also got like some reward card srsly I think it will motivate me to go DJ even more and be even more broke but its all worth it cause then I will be very pretty caused I am made up with Shu's products. Seriously I love their products lor!! And their make up artist always wear like 3-5 color eyeshadow in one shot and still manage to look damn nice. wtf! That day I saw this girl wearing green eye shadow at selected areas of her eyes I swear its damn scary. Not the nice fresh green some more its the damn dark green like this wtf!
ANYWAY, yeah so now I am damn sticky and will now proceed to go shower. I realise all my blog entries all damn anticlimax ... I dont know why but I always get bored half way through the post!!
Happy New Year. It has been so long since I last blogged. And somehow everytime I log in to see my previous posts, I cringe. Why am I so immature? And to post all those nonsense up, such a shame seriously. But nevertheless, those previous posts are a reminder of who I was and how I should improve myself and learn from my mistakes.
So I am 21 this year. Seriously I am not gonna rejoice that. I dont wanna be 21. I dont wanna be able to go clubbing (in Malaysia apart from Maison please) legally and not worry about how my friends are gonna sneak me in. I like to worry about that, I like to be a student and not worry about anything else. I dont wanna grow up. I wanna be forever young. But of course I can't and that SUCKS! Even my moisturiser reminds me that I am growing older (every second), its states: for drier or Prematurely AGING SKIN!! WTF!! I like to be 18 or 19 (not older or younger). Even when I turned 20 I was pretty sad (20 this year... start with 2 and soon it will start with 3 and I dare not think further.
Many things happened in 2008, the major event was breaking my arm T.T but somehow breaking my arm taught me alot and made me grow up (whether I like it or not). My parents thought I should come back to Malaysia as living alone in a foreign place is not an easy feat but of course I didn't although there are times during the beginning I really wanted to. I cant bathe, or wash my face, or wash my dishes, or put on my bra.. we take our limbs for granted, and only when we lose our ability to carry out daily tasks easily do we realise how important it is. Maybe I am no fun, maybe I am old, but safety does come first, not anything else, even vanity. Breaking my arm taught me that no one will ever care for you the way family do, how his/her convenience comes before yours, how words are said but not meant.
This year, my final year of uni, is my last chance. No more chances after this and if I screw this up, thats it. When you are form 5, you have college, then uni and after uni that is it. Maybe masters, but nonetheless I do not wanna screw this up. And I really hope I dont.
I got this really cute watch today from my awesome boyfriend!!!! It is delicate though , and i have to be careful not to destroy it. However it is custom made according to my liking. I chose the colours and all etc.... And it fits perfectly on my wrist. Guess what it is? its initials are FM.
Hey.. Oh my I havent blogged in a long long whileee... I look at my pic and actually thought "boy was I thin THEN" hahaha well times changed, and now I am no longer thin and no longer in a long distance relationship.
Its 4 am now and I am listening to David Cook - Time of My Life and yes its time to wipe away the tears, take away my hair's virginity and kiss procrastination goodbye. No point listening to Shannon Noll and cry, spend hours online chatting and doing nothing staring into blank space. Once again I disappoint and seriously if I don't change, I can just go and die. I thought since I am turning 20 so very soon, time to change, make amendments and live life to the fullest. Play hard and study even harder.
LOL scratch that. The amendments part should only include- study even harder. Anyways, I am pretty tired after watching way too many episodes of Grey's. Time for bed.
Hello bello. Just yesterday my bf asked me why I dont blog often anymore and I replied I only blog when I have err....issues which are bugging me now.
And before this I was lazy and was super busy settling down and today is the first ever night I am staying in since I touch down on the 15th. But soon I will blog everyday cause I will be sad and lonely in Melbourne. Sad sad.
Anyway, I dont wanna blog about how Sad I was when I leave and how I cried and all... I wanna talk about how much I miss my bf and how much I hate distance. I used to think that if you really love a person, distance won't really affect the relationship and everything will still be fine and dandy cause there is soo many modes of communication. Albeit its hard, couples who are really in love can survive the distance. But being in one now, I realized its not all a bed of roses. Proximity is so so important, although you have faith in each other not to cheat on each other (God Forbid), its still really hard. Esp when I see so many couples on the street. Its easier to adjust when you're back home but when you're new in a foreign place, its just so hard cause you get lonely and you want that special someone to be there. Sure you have your friends but your friends naturally have their own special someone and that brings you back to square one esp when they pda in front of you (unintentionally I am sure) you just wish you have someone there for you to hold you and to calm you and comfort you.
I shall provide illustration: I was really pissed and worried and frustrated about my student email cause I cant seem to get access into it and I really need to cause I wanna get good slots for my timetable and I was freaking out really badly cause Australians are leisure people and they do not work on Saturday and Sunday and I have to wait till Monday to get things fixed. So I was freaking out and no one could calm me down. Not my sis or my friends or whoever and I was throwing tantrums and somehow only my bf seems to be able to calm me down (not even my mom ok). So now I am feeling better although still worried (if you know me you know I am a perfectionist in that way) Tada...
Thus my point is this - I am sure I would feel much better if he was here with me and give me a big hug to assure me that things would be okay eventually and he would accompany me to uni etc. And I would feel better earlier on instead of now.
so all is still fine and dandy now. But how long can this go on? What if someone else comes along? Offering that kinda reassurance? Then what?
But after typing for so long, I think trying and getting hurt is better than not trying at all.
I have one more week and I am off to Melbourne. Honestly, I dont really feel a thing. Not scared, not excited but maybe a bit sad unless I really think about it then I am REALLY sad. Boohoo... Being in the same country is better than the Aus - Malaysia thing and One hour is definitely better than 7 hours.
Anyways, one of my friends asked me the other day if I was gonna throw a Farewell Party and without hesitation I just said " HUH?? No. " I mean its true. I will be back in June/July and all the people I really really wanna say goodbye to I would very much prefer to say goodbye to them personally no? I guess its just me being antisocial but whats the point in having a farewell? So impersonal and you will invite people who most probably won't really miss or be affected by your absence anyway.
Might as well just pack up, spend lots of time with the people whose company you would truly miss, cry cry and say goodbye. Return 4 months later and have happy times again like old times. No?
Maybe its just me.
Anyway yes the Baby is back. Spent time together like old times (maybe not enough as I don't wanna make parents angry and she is gonna be in her hometown for 4 days out of her 2 weeks plus home) and then she would be off again on Sunday. Oh well she did say she might go over to Melb during June/ July. Awesome. : )
Not neglecting you for the boi my dear, its just we've both been busy and I am sure you do know I love you.
* Woman and I *
Okie. Time for the old woman to go lie down ( my new hobby ) and yeap Happy Chinese New Year everyone. : D
As the day draws closer, I realise I really do not want to go. Everything I've been blogging about these past few times is about leaving and until now it hasn't fully hit me yet that I am really leaving home to go to a foreign land where as of now I will be homeless till I find a suitable place to live in. My rc is playing hard to get, its not replying me. And my search for a studio is just giving me headaches. Sure I think about it all the time and I get sad, sometimes I shed a tear or two but I haven't pictured fully my life there and how I will really be all alone where it is time to grow up and behave/ think like a 20 year old is supposed to even though inside all I want to be is a teen where all I worry about is whether my crush likes me, if my pony tail is in the middle of my head and not skewed to the left /right and if I can score well for my exams (petty things like that).
Not to mention my big worry on whether I would be able to cope with the syllabus there. They introduced a new model and I have to take breadth subjects and until now I am still not really sure what the fuck that is. I am really scared that I will disappoint my parents (as much as I do not want to). Questions just keep popping up in my brain like if I am smart enough or if I can discipline myself well enough to study cause its a known fact that if someone doesn't wanna study he/she will rather do nothing (sit and stare at the opposite wall) than to pick his books up, sit him/herself down and actually study. So Seriously the attractions part is not an excuse to not study (in my opinion) because if you want to you will, no matter how many zillion attractions there are outside your door.
Another thing is the fact that I am really leaving my comfort zone. Not only my parents but also my best friend whom I have really grown accustomed to. She has been there for me endlessly and I know I've blogged about her a zillion times, I still can't really seem to put my thoughts and feelings into words to signify her importance to me. Each time I fall, through every break up, she has been there no matter what and after so many failed relationships (some are not even classified as relationships but mistakes), I have grown to develop this fear that I will be seriously hurt again. Each time something starts, I get hopeful, I hope and sometimes I actually expect (big mistake) and in the end all I end up with is tears and heartaches. Once bitten twice shy they say but I think I have been bitten countless times and now I am really shy. I am really afraid to open up and get hurt again. I know humans are strong and we somehow always manage to crawl back up and learn to love again but as for now I really dont know if I am capable of it. Especially as I am gonna be so far away from home. What if things don't work out? Who I am going to turn to? I dont have Jessica there and being so far away from home is already bad enough. Am I really strong enough/ do I have the courage/ have I fully fully recovered from all my past relationships/ is he worth it to actually take the chance (knowing the consequences should things fail but perhaps not knowing the severity and possible impact on me) and believe in love and believe that someone can really make me happy, accept me for me and be there for me as how they always claim they will in the beginning?
So many questions just keep popping up in my head with every passing second. The only thing I am sure of is that I am really sad to leave and I really don't wanna go. I was at Mcd near The Curve just now and I took one long hard look before I left as I don't think I will be seeing it again before I leave. I know I will come back in June/July but will I be the same then? Will things be the same then? Will things change significantly in just 4 months?
My friends keep saying to me " Please don't go there and change to be someone else " and each time I hear it I laugh and reply "of course not" but how sure am I that I won't and how sure is anyone that even if I don't they won't.
